I'm not new to this. Nothing you said is new to me. What I'm saying is that there is no actual, real life difference between a failed monogamous relationship and a poly one. Full stop. The only psychological difference is the elitism that goes with rejecting failure because it's too uncomfortable to accept.

I have been in 3 different poly relationships. They are harder because they are constantly failing in meeting the needs of everyone. They are failing to allow constructive commitment to exist. They fail in every useful metric of emotional relationships other than short-term highs, and those routinely come with horrific crashes, worse than any of the monogamous relationships I've experienced. They aren't any better than casual dating, and are often much worse in result for all participating individuals.

My mindset as a poly person was "I'm better than everyone else because I reject societal roles and rules." It was no different than my teenage punk years, and the grown up, mature poly friends that left that stupid scene with me said the same thing: it was fear of commitment that led every one of them into an echo chamber that told them they were special and that "failure" was really just "how you define it" that left them constantly churning instead of addressing the lies they were telling themselves. The lies you are telling yourself.