Growing up, life was always difficult. This is not to say that I didn't have loving parents. My parents and brother are the most wonderful and loving individuals I can ever imagine. Their world is my life. I grew up though with depression that I could never speak to anyone about. We were immigrants to the west. I could never seem to fit in growing up. I never had friends, and for some reason most of my teachers hated me. I wasn't a bad student, just a bit more talkative than the rest. Always trying to fit in. This coupled in with the fact that I was from a poor family that had to go the extra mile to make ends meet. Both my parents worked a lot just to sustain us as a family. They were determined to make sure we were never hungry, had clothes, and shelter over our heads. The problem was I never had friends. I never had anyone to talk to about anything, really. I never felt understood by anyone. I was not allowed to go out after school. I was always home by 4 and in my solitude. We didn't have any cousins as everyone was back home. I remember growing up wishing for more family, wishing for them by my side. I remember it all too well. I remember being alone. But, I do remember the love my family gave me but it was never enough. I was a loser at school. I was bullied. I was not fashionable. I was uncool because I could never hang out. I was always the butt of jokes. I hated school a lot. I never had toys. I dreamed of having toys and friends. I would constantly make up situations that would occur but they never did. I would always tell myself this will happen, and then this, and then you will be happen. Situations always turned the opposite way for me. I've always had to fight for everything and yet nothing came out of it. I grew up with the idea everyone would eventually leave me. And they did. Every boyfriend came and went. Every one of them had the same thing to say to me, "I'm not ready for a relationship." Finally, I met someone who for the past 2 years took good care of me. Loved me. Then he cited the same reasons for leaving. I couldn't believe it. He opened up his heart to me, helped me open up about my childhood about everything. He helped me deal with my depression, and took real good care of me.. But, today he just abandoned me. I had recently moved away because I got in to medical school and was a 5 hour flight from him across the country. He just broke up with me. On top of it, I found out he's on tinder and other dating apps. It was quite saddening to say the least. He tells me he loves, can't commit, but would love to meet other woman. I hate him. Again, I feel like such a loser. How can someone tell you they love you and then leave you? What kind of people do we have in this world? It is saddening to say the least. Why tell people you love them and then leave them. Please enlighten me. I can't do this. I feel at rock bottom. I am doing so poorly at medical school as this as depressed me and then some. If my school kicks me out, then I would be $50 000 in debt. But, I can't do it. I got in to medical school but I don't even know if it is my calling. I can't do this much studying. I can't quit as then $50 000 in debt. What the hell would I do? I am broken beyond words. I give up. I don't want to be so depressed anymore or feel like a failure. I have decided that I am going to end my life. I am going to drown in the pool in my backyard. I know nobody goes there so by the time I would be found, I know I would be dead.