“Hello everyone, and welcome to the 2020 Summer Olympics! I’m John, and joining me is Katie. How are you Katie?”
“I’m doing great John! I’m excited to be hosting the very first Calvinball competition! I have to tell you John, I’ve loved Calvinball since I was young, and I am so excited that it is now an official sport!”
“So am I! This is a wonderful day! Let’s take a look at the playing field. It’s a lightly wooded area with a stream going straight down the middle. On the left, there seems to be a giant boulder! Wow, the field designers really out did themselves! Oh, perfect timing! Here come the teams! USA vs Russia! Each team has selected 5 players each for the game, but that won’t be stopping anyone!”
“Not at all John! The players are wearing numbered jerseys for our convenien- Oh, nevermind, team USA has just taken off their jerseys.”
“What a turn of events! Now, as the players take their positio- Wait, was that a goal? Yes it was! It seems that team Russia had sneaked bowling balls onto the field and have each scored a goal. So that starts this match 8 to Helicopter.”
“How exciting! But team USA had switched the goals before the game, so that makes the score Pelvis to Q_23.”
“Ah, you would think that, but team Russia had paid a player on team USA to switch the goals again, which makes the score Red to Lion!”
“Well that’s a twist! Let’s see what’s happening on the field. Team USA has brought an axe onto the field, and appears to be cutting down the trees! Good for them, every tree chopped down adds T points to their score.”
“Well, team Russia has joined together and started pushing the giant boulder across the field! Wait...is it...yes! There is a quadruple agent in team Russia! He is pantsing all the other players right now!”
“Amazing! That makes the score Giant to Hip fracture! Meanwhile, it seems team USA has chopped down enough trees to create a wooden...something. I’m not quite sure what that is, but it changes the score to Alphabet to 87.”
“Wait, what is he doing? Someone from the crowd has wandered onto the field, and is chanting a weird song. OH GOD! HE SUMMONED CTHULHU! Wait, nevermind, it was just another person from the crowd.”
“Well that’s a relief! Anyway, the team’s coaches have entered the match, each carrying baskets of tennis balls. Wow, they just scored huge points! Let’s see...that makes the score…”
“Yell to Nosebleed.”
“Yes, Yell to Nosebleed! But here come the game changer. Team USA has bribed the entire stadium to score for them. They are swarming the field, I can’t see anything!”
“Wait, there’s the buzzer! This game is over! The final score is Q to 12!”
“Amazing...absolutely amazing. This has been Katie.”
“And John.”
“Reporting from the very first Calvinball Olympic game. Thank you for tuning in.”
Hey everyone, About4001llamas here. I love Calvin and Hobbes, and actually lived in the town he grew up in, Chagrin Falls, Ohio. It’s such a great place. If you liked my writing, check out /r/About4001llamas! Happy reading!