Derrick stumbles out the bar and makes his way, swerving down the street. His keys jingle as he shoves them back into his pocket. Around the corner, he pulls the keys out, separates the car key and gets into the lock on the fourth try.
As he sits in the driver's seat he attempts to put the key into the ignition. After a few tries, he's shocked to discover the key is not in his hand. A moment passes while the various parts of his brains swim through the alcohol to meet at this fact.
Derrick manages a "whu?" just as there's three loud taps on the drivers window. A bright flashlight beams inside. Derrick shades his eyes.
Officer Murphy had been following Derrick since he left the bar. His daughter was killed by a drunk driver and he's quite sure Derrick will be the next target in a long journey of revenge.
"Sir" officer Murphy starts, "will you please step out of the car"
Derrick again mutters a "whu?" and shields his eyes more enthusiastically.
Officer Murphy raises his voice a bit "Step out of the car, sir!"
"Uh, excuse me" says a voice from behind officer Murphy.
Officer Murphy whips around and swings the flashlight into club position, ready to strike.
"Oh I am so sorry" says the white haired gentleman, "I didn't mean to startle you".
"What the hell do you want?" says Officer Murphy, his adrenaline pumping double time now.
"Oh, my friend here, I'm the designated driver you see."
After a short pause where the shock is starting to drain from officer Murphy, the white haired gentlemen realizes that Murphy doesn't see.
"His keys...Derrick's keys...I have them" and the white haired gentleman dangles the keys.
"I saw him open the door. Derrrrick here is going down." He says "Derrick" like it's a made up term.
"Yes, I'm afraid Derrick has a habit of leaving the car unlocked, even when sober. He lost his laptop that way...more than once."
Officer Murphy turns away with a grunt and opens the car door, yanking Derrick out. Derrick falls in a heap by the curb and the white haired gentleman helps him to a seated position.
Officer Murphy checks inside the car with the flashlight. Then turns on all the lights in the car. He quickly glances around and then pops out and yanks Derrick to his feet. With professional and practiced swiftness, he checks the entirety of Derrick's clothing for the key. He then crawls into the car, checking the glovebox and every nook and cranny for the key.
Officer Murphy steps out and addresses the white haired gentleman. "That tears it, you are an accessory to this crime...obstruction of justice!"
The white haired gentleman simply smiles and says with a very calm tone "I assure you, my only crime was not keeping a close enough eye on Derrick. he snuck out of the bar before I had a chance to walk him to his car."
Officer Murphy opens his mouth to speak and just then, catches a glimmer of streetlight in the white haired gentleman's eye. Murphy's attention falls into the light and memories of his childhood bubble up. The time he broke his uncle's favorite pipe and had to tell him. Getting yelled at in front of his schoolmates by the principle. Spanked by his father for an infraction he didn't understand.
Officer Murhpy's mouth slowly closes. He looks down and then up again at the white haired gentleman. Officer Murphy speaks, this time in a quiet tone, "Well best keep your eye on him. And keep him out of trouble. I don't want to see him stumbling out of this bar again.
Officer Murphy walks off and the white haired gentleman starts to lift Derrick.
"Let's get you into this vehicle Derrick ol' boy" He pops the door open and somehow flops Derrick into the passenger seat.
Derrick looks up at the white haired gentleman and utters "whu?"
The white haired gentleman laughs "Yes, whu is right. You'd be wuh-ing your way down to the drunk tank, $10,000 poorer if it weren't for me. "
The white haired gentleman slips the key in and guides the car into the street. The motor hums soothingly through Derrick's body.
"I wish I had someone like me when I was alive" the white haired gentleman says "unfortunately, I fell asleep on the highway and plowed into a semi. You know, they're going to let me into heaven if I can set you straight." He gives Derrick a small shove "You know this is the third time this week, I've had to spirit your keys away."
Derrick looks over at him, slightly more coherently.
"Yeah" the white haired gentleman says "that's a little more like it. You're hearing me now."
"I'm sorry buddy" Derrick says.
"Save your sorrys for Jesus Derrick. It'd be hypocritical of me to judge you. I need you to get it together for both our sakes. You're getting your ass to a meeting tomorrow.
The car pulls up in front of Derrick's house. The white haired gentleman turns off the car, looks over at derrick, smirks and tosses the keys in Derrick's lap.
"You old knucklehead" the white haired gentleman says again, giving him another playful shove.
"Thanks buddy" Derrick says.
The white haired man fades to nothingness as the sound of Derrick's snores grow louder.