Dear Mother,

By now you've heard news of my suicide. Please be assured that this was in no way related how you or father treated me; I have nothing but praise for my upbringing. Nor was it by an hidden case of depression. This is a rational decision that I have made. Perhaps the most rational I have ever made, based on a vision that I saw.

In my vision I saw myself. Old and wasted away, my body wrecked by a lifetime of bad decisions. Trapped alive but unable live, cared for by one that held nothing but contempt for this shell of a man. I have have never feared death. In my darkest hours, the reminder that a single flick of a knife across my throat could make all the pain stop was always my greatest source of strength. That, no matter how badly something go could go wrong, that an exit strategy was only a sharp blade or a belt loop away. Rather It was always dying that terrified me. In this vision, all my worst fears were realized. And I was robbed of the only thing I could have sway over.

I have no desire to see this vision become reality.

I've already went ahead and settled all my outstanding debts, few as they were. My remaining cash should be enough to cover the cost of any funeral that you and father choose to have, although I would ask that you spend frugally and instead use the remainder to go on that cruise that you and he were thinking about. I also did some checking; the suicide clause on my life insurance policy expired a few days ago. The insurance money should also help you both retire approximately five years ahead of schedule if my calculations are correct. The spreadsheet with my calculations on your desktop, please review it and see if I had made any mistakes.

Goodbye mother. Know that I have always loved both you and father more then my own life, and that I have always known that you loved me. I only regret in life is the pain that I know my departure will cause. I ask that you try to look past the grief and that you both have long, happy lives together.

Your son,

Peter