No helpful advice, just wanted to say you're fricken hilarious. "Cock Goblin Gang" has me DYING.

I too have an attractive partner and honestly it just sucks at times - I try not to let jealousy get the best of me. I try to say "it's okay and normal to feel it, but it's not okay for me to make it my partner's problem because I trust him and he isn't doing anything wrong." My partner is actually very good at responding to flirting with "oh thanks for the compliment and have you met my GF" where I come over and I'm always overly sweet because it pisses the Goblins off because they want to make you insecure. I'm all like 'omg sooo nice to meet you, love your hair, let's get drinks next week." and they're like fuck this isn't working and move on.