I had no understanding of why you broke up with me when you did. I ended up dating multiple people after you, and I ended up acting like you did when they acted like I did.

The reason I don't talk to much any more isn't because I dislike you. It's because I don't think about the house I lived in or the garden we got high in or the shows we watched any more. I don't think I ever really do think about them. We speak on the phone and make jokes about the people we made jokes about in 2013 because we haven't formed any new memories since then.

For the longest time I told myself we could hang out again after I started lifting and quit smoking and so many other things. I didn't do all of them, but I'm at a point where I could gain more weight than you did and it wouldn't matter, because our approval shouldn't matter to each other any more. And that's a good thing.

But honestly, why reconnect? I'm sure you were funny as you ever were, and caring and better in so many ways. But you've got all your friends, you're breezing university, and you've got a cute older boyfriend. You're doing fine.

I still make bad jokes and flirt with strangers and make sleep with people I shouldn't and get 20% of the way into 5 things before changing my mind and everything else that makes me me. I'm doing fine.

We're both doing fine. We'll always be one of each other's first love. And if you were really sick and needed a hand, sure, I'd help. And I'm sure we'd joke about your more recent conquests and my ugly socks and make new memories and maybe even form a friendship. But we reached a happy place and now we're slowly drifting apart. And that's fine.

The reason I don't talk to much any more isn't because I dislike you. It's because I think about you just as much as I think about the house I lived in or the garden we got high in or the shows we watched.