160 words Teachers who said that highschool will be the best part of our lives must have had really depressing lives.
170 words Holidays stop being fun when you are old enough to realize you are in a low-income family and your parents stress a lot about the holidays.
149 words If penis size was as obvious as breast size the world would be a very different place.
147 words Technically, the only things we truly enjoy are the chemicals created in our brain.
179 words Louis C.K.'s career is potentially over after jerking off in front of a few women while Chris Brown's is thriving after viciously beating one to a pulp.
251 words Two people can never go to each other's funerals
796 words I wish heavier women on dating sites realized there are many guys that prefer BBWs, instead of trying to hide it.
784 words People are concerned about the planet we're leaving for our kids, but give zero fucks about what kind of kids we're leaving for our planet
179 words All of the villains in the Star Wars Prequel trilogy perfectly foreshadow the rise of Darth Vader. Maul was manipulated from birth by Palpatine, Dooku was a fallen jedi, and Grievous was a cyborg. Vader is all 3 of those things
295 words Google Maps really needs a "calm the fuck down I'm just getting gas" feature.
350 words All the Saw movies featured elaborate torture devices, and yet the most horrible torture is radiation sickness, which you wouldn't even realize was happening at first.
251 words At age 33 I still get the childlike feeling of "I want to go home," but it's just not there anymore.
222 words As a kid, I really wanted Wolverine's claws. As an adult, I really want his healing factor.
413 words Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair.
269 words The saying 'Money can't buy you happiness' should be changed to 'Money can't prevent sadness'
0 words Chipotle should have a drive thru that delivers their burritos through chutes like the bank.
534 words In the movie "Toy Story", toys are sentient beings. But at what point does something become a toy? Do they just randomly gain sentience in the middle of assembly? If so, how do they know not to move or react to anything? At what point does a toy die?
233 words As a father, on Mother's Day I feel the overwhelming need to shelter my wife from being a mother for a day. On Father's Day, however, I feel the overwhelming need to be a good dad and spend time with my kids.
151 words The "rap verse" in pop songs is the new guitar solo.
233 words The worst part about growing up is learning about how fucked up the world is