Hello, first critique here. I've broken my review down to characterization, plot, style/tone, monologue/dialogue and summary. Score system goes from [-3, 3]
Characterization: Neutral (0)
Gordan
His characterization is very limited (likely due to short length of the posted story ~1000 words). I would need more to allow for an accurate characterization of the lead character.
Seems like a typical bachelor.
Haven’t noticed anything in the writing that makes him boring or unlikable.
Alina
*Also seems underdeveloped and inconstant. I understand their interaction is short (that's fine), but it can also be an excellent opportunity to hint at their relationship. At first she seems like a one-night lay. But then she appears to have personal knowledge about him and his divorce. She’s also ready to go shopping with him?
*Also needs more time to be effectively characterized.
Plot: Neutral (0)
Style/Tone: Good (1)
Enjoyed the almost dreamy tone of your story. Gordan appears withdraw into his own world. He appears unaware or uncaring of the happenings around him (Alina leaving when she hadn’t, the car not being his (although this mistake is strange after 8 months).
I enjoy descriptions of the environment (they help ground me in the story’s world), but they should contribute to either characterization or plot. There's also another respectable approach; you can make the descriptions very powerful or detailed (might work well with the tone).
Focus is too shifty. Try to smoothly transition between descriptions and tasks.
Monologue/Dialogue: Enjoyed (1.5)
“Laugh lines,” Gordan said, “I don’t remember doing so much laughing.” I enjoyed that.
“I should hang myself in the bathroom next time instead of my suit… (Clever, but the second part weakens it. Too much explanation can damage your sentence. Perhaps have him stare/look at his suit and then give a shortened version of this.)
“Of course I want to get fucked by a stranger, and then slink out of his house in the morning like his mistress,” Alina said. “Every girl’s dream.” <Not your best and somewhat cliché, but I've seen worse.)
Summary: Neutral (0) I’d say for now I’d read the second chapter, only to get a more complete understanding of your story so as to make up my mind about what I’ve just read. Additionally, after this chapter, you don’t have much time to feed in some characterization quickly. Continue forwarding the stylistic aspects of your story while trimming out the “fat” in your dialogue.