I would agree with randomcolumn. I don't think this is a matter of abuse, but of poor communication skills and lack of experience and lack of emotional maturity.

Our first few relationships are generally not meant to last; rather, they are learning curves and stepping stones. There are going to be a lot of elements that just don't work and these are things you will figure out and make work in later relationships. It is a continual learning process.

The ultimatums are just classic young relationship: lack of effective communication and cluelessness. Men don't respond well to hints, neither are they particularly tactful. It might be that you're doing small things that make her feel insecure and she doesn't know how else to put a stop to it because she lacks the emotional maturity to deal with it effectively and responsibly. It's not uncommon in young women and I know from experience. It's a projection of how she feels, not that you're an awful person.

And feeling uncomfortable about you being around other women? That is a direct consequence of what you did to others, as you rightly acknowledge. Whilst she has a responsibility to try her best in trusting you, you also have a responsibility to now reassure and prove that you're trustworthy.

It's a partnership and about eliminating potential sources of conflict and anxiety - you both have to do things that improve the nature of your relationship and ensure that the pair of you are comfortable, happy and reassured. That means making changes on both sides, being tactful and sensitive. She is not working with you, in the sense that, instead of trying to deal with her insecurities by discussing them with you and working through things, she is projecting them onto you. You in turn are feeling attacked and even less open to making any changes. A healthy relationship does not play blame games, does not single out one person's issues but sees it objectively, as something that can be worked on by both people.

So, do I think the relationship is worth saving and continuing in, do I think either of you are ready to make those things happen? No, not really. Does that mean either person is abusive, or, 'bad' here? Also no.