You could leave this post up, if you would like to. Mind you, the cold and sensible are going to attack. You should be advised that that is going to happen. Thick skin, love.

I want to help you. I've been in the same situation at your age myself and I will wish you the best of luck for you to find your ground footing with yourself.

Vent. For now, fuck the boyfriend. No - focus on yourself and detangle from him for a bit.

What are the other few things that make you happy? Besides your boyfriend, you mentioned there were other few things that made you happy? You don't have to share them here, if you don't want to, yet you can write them on out as a note to yourself.

Something life-changing to do in the midst of midterms and a job is highly unlikely, but I failed probability as a kid, so you can choose to heed or not to listen to me. You can change your circumstances by reaching out to the younger teacher assistants in the classes you go to. I got to learn about their shit-storm nutcases, being freshmen and feeble undergraduates when I did. Their stories will make you question and appreciate what you could do in your time apart. Do you have class projects in which they are a group based? Talk to the students there. They have their worries and passions too.

I assume you commute? Talk to the bus buddy. I met a good friend from speaking up about their video game of choice as they were, too, quiet. We would fluctuate between the opposing "Yo, I'm not in the mood to talk since I'm way too tired to communicate" and "Aw, I wish the commute had been a bit longer. See ya later!". The communication between the other person is brief and can help with the anxiety you feel with having to put up with more talking. I was very grateful for that experience.

In terms of the bothering offhand birthday remark, I can only assume he was speaking in terms of other hotter and attractive men you might be breezing through on a drunken night fiend once you're of age. I assume you would not be the type to even encourage that sort of behaviour as you are damn loyal to a fault.

Once he leaves, this gives you a chance to flit around with similar like-minded people. I wanted freedom from attachments at this age because it worked for me to do what I wanted to do, on my own accord and there was absolutely nothing anyone could say to me about it. I could eat a mango. I could watch sad movies because I bloody damn well enjoy it. I could read through the Kama Sultra and draw stick figures of the actions and toss the drawings into the bin when I wanted to. I could go to bed when I wanted to - preferably as soon as possible and leave the phone off without answering to no one. Ah. My advice is that you do try this as well. Less contact with the boyfriend. Oh no, why? It's delightful. Guilty, yeah, but self-indulging goodness for the mind and body. Turn off your phone before going to bed, preferably an hour or two before.

In this time apart, appreciate what happens. Whether you thank me or scold me with this, I wish you only the best.

Lots of love.