Yes, my performance anxiety is pathetic and silly. I'm not really sure what you're reacting to other than that though. I followed her on social media for a few months while she was in another relationship and when I had no idea where to find her in person. I guess I could have mentioned that she broke up with her boyfriend right around the time the new semester started, when I finally had a clue of where to meet her. Sure I could have messaged her on Facebook months earlier while she was in a relationship, but how could I do that without feeling guilty/sleazy since I intended to pursue a romantic relationship? I didn't want to befriend her intending to steal her away from her boyfriend. Is that an issue? Serious question. You might say something like "you could have just been friendly and gotten to know her", but again, my underlying intentions would be something more. I'd either friendzone myself or sabotage another relationship.

Lecture hall espionage was just to confirm my suspicions on where to find her. I visited on two consecutive lectures and then approached her after the third.

When we spent time together, I genuinely enjoyed learning about her- she has a great personality, work ethic, similar interests etc.

So I hope this clears things up a bit (I know it's automatic to picture a vile pig loser guy when reading stuff like this, but I'm more normal than the post suggests: this is just a lot of raw emotion). If it doesn't, I guess that demonstrates how fucked my mentality is haha. And yes, I've certainly learned from this experience and can't imagine that I will make the same mistake again when I meet someone else.