It very much sounds like ADD, especially the anxiety, overthinking and forgetfulness. Sometimes people are surprised its that but its very common for most to not even know it. Most Doctors with ADD didnt even know that had it until Med School or after. Theres some great help out there, try Dr Jordan Peterson self-author program. Or check out the TED talks on ADD if the program is a bit much now.

Look, My own family was in your shoes, and it was easy to blame ignorance, but we had to understand together it was more complicated then just not listening. I bet her Mom has dealt with this her whole life or at least since puberty. Girls are highly sensitive and can be easily shamed or guilted, so a daily checklist can help alot