I got this deep feeling of hurt and wanting to look like these women and that I wasnt attractive enough for my boyfriend

Rationally, he's with you because he finds you attractive among other characteristics you have.

I feel the hits your confidence and self-esteem took in the past by your previous bf & other scrutiny has not been properly resolved yet -- It doesn't seem like you've fully accepted yourself (i.e. your hair and what your vagina looks like, etc.) especially when you are changing/showering.

Low confidence and low self-esteem can be toxic to yourself and can lead to self-sabotage such as by feeling incompetent and "not enough" and comparing yourself to others.

Fortunately with counseling, proper ways of coping, mindfulness, and other resources, you can resolve your low confidence and low self-esteem.