I did also ask him if he would ever consider remarrying. He said at this point no, but he never thought he'd date again either and we found each other, so who knows down the line. If he never changes his mind on marriage, I do believe that will be a deal breaker for me. I don't care about a wedding, but I do want to get married someday. As it stands now, I'm willing to give it more time because I do love him.
Imagine you have a wonderful, charming, beautiful, caring female best friend, call her Linda. Linda is incredible, you truly cherish your friendship with her. And Linda tells you one day that she is completely, 100%, soul-achingly in love with you.
Wow. Well, you have to explain to her that you aren't a lesbian, and you just don't love her in that way, and you never will. But you cherish your friendship, and the relationship you have NOW, and you don't want that to ever change.
But Linda is adamant. She loves you with her whole heart and soul, and she says she's willing to wait. "I know tons of formerly straight-as-an-arrow women who have entered into lesbian relationships. Sexuality can be a fluid thing. You never know. And I love you so much, I am willing to wait."
But, you explain, it's just not in the cards. You love her, you love your relationship as it is, but you just can't give her the one thing she wants. You tell her, "I know you want a romantic relationship with me. But I am telling you, straight-up, honestly, that I will never enter into a romantic relationship with you."
"No problem," she says. "I'll wait. I'll wait for you to change. I know you will."
How would you feel about Linda? Would you think "Well, maybe she's right. Maybe I WILL change. Maybe I need to keep an open mind. After all, I care about her so much."
Or, would you think: "I am so confused. I love her, and I love what we have, but I know I was 100%, crystal clear about what I did and did not want from our relationship. Is she really just going to disrespect my needs like that, tell me that what I want is irrelevant, and that she's just going to wait for me to change, even after I told her that I can never give her what she wants? This can ONLY end badly."
Why would you do that to yourself?