Your husband wants everyone around him to see him as a thoughtful, kind, amazing, saintly guy. He cannot expend this kind of energy all year round and fir everyone and since you are his "chosen wife and household funiture", you are exempt from these efforts. He isnt trying to con you anymore like he is with all those people who dont see him intimately every day.

You can course correct him pretty easily - it will not make him happy, but he will do better - if you kindly, casually, subtly expose him to others for how he treats you in this regard. He will accuse you if humiliating him, but of course, it is merely the truth. Do this a few times and he will learn that you will not keep his nasty secrets. Then he will perform his act for you in such a way that you have nothing as concrete or overt to tell others.

But you really need to take some time, step back, and really analyze his behavior and his treatment of you. I think you may find that he is narcissistic. And that you were duped. And that you will never have what you want with him. I could be wrong, of course, which is why I say take a step back and try to objectively observe him.