And yes, I do have insecurities, as everyone else in the world. But these particular ones stem from a much deeper well. I have accepted the fact that he is her friend, I've even tried becoming friends with him. I’m even okay that he spends the night.

Now this is where the problem is. Let’s start with this, I don't think she's cheating on me. And continue with this, I feel that his feelings are more important than mine. That's what hurts. If you "LOVE" someone, then you should put their feelings on a pedestal. And if she cares about his feelings more than mine…… then is it even worth being in a relationship like this?

This is a friend that came months after we got together. She met him at work. In the beginning I was very insecure about their new relationship because I lost (what I considered) quality time with my girlfriend. Plus, I had no clue what his real intensions were. Now, I know they're friends and I'm fine with it. But, is he more important to her than Me? And if so, I don’t think that’s a relasionship I want to be in. What brews all these feelings is that. I invite her out every time with my friends but she never invites me out with hers. It seems that she doesn’t want to include me in her life. And this particular friend is always in these scenarios I’m never invited too. If she made a conscience effort to try and unite us in her life, then I wouldn’t even care about any of this. But most of her friends hate each other. I’m starting to think she unknowingly plays them against each other. Such as relaying shit talking and accepting their shit talking, then shit talking herself. But that’s just speculation.

What even brought on the whole sleeping in the same bed thing question on, was this. The night I found out that they sleep in the same bed when he's over, she blew up on me for my feelings. What finally got her off the ledge was me saying, "do you're thing, but I am not comfortable with this and it will take time to accept". Of course she still didn't understand why. So a few days go by and I see her, her sister, him, and a random dude he’s hitting on at the bar. I also found out by her sister that this random dude has been checking out my girl all night. I walked up to her gave her a huge hug and a kiss. I patted him (the gay friend) kindly on the shoulder and smiled and said Hi. He looked at me for a brief second and said crassly and rudely, “oh, hi”. And then turned and continued his conversation. All I could think is, “Fuck You”. That also made me feel , like she must have told him about our conversation. Unless, she told him that it’s no longer okay to sleep together, than I don’t think our pillow talk should have been shared with him. But, I’m not sure if she even did talk to him about it, he could have just been being a dick, he’s good at that. Then she says, I’m going to go hang out with my friends. Once again, not invited and we’re even in the same damn building. And friends? You mean your sister, some random dude, and your one friend. Fine. I just left. My girl and I hung out the day after and had a great time, I really was just trying to let it all go. I know she’s stressed with school and life so I try not to be an added stressor. She always says I need time to focus on school and I agree. The following day I just let her do her thing and didn’t hit her up at all. You know, giving her space. I wake up happy and check my facebook and then I decided to check her page. What do I see, a post from him at her parents’ house having a good o’l family time. I haven’t even met her parents! We’ve been together almost a year now. It kinda hurt. What really gets me though is that her profile picture is of him and her and has been on 2 other occasions. She’s never once put a picture of us up. So here’s the kicker. On the 3rd day of not seeing her I hit her up to see what she’s up too. She says that she’s working on a biology project. I ask if she would like some company for a little bit. I had to be up a 7am, I just wanted to give her a kiss and see how she’s doing, it was 12:30am. She says that her friend (the gay friend)and a girlfriend are over and pretty much shuts me down. Once again! Not included, she didn’t even invite me over just to say hi, but they’re okay. Arrrrrggggg! WTF!?

I guess where all this really stems from is inclusion. I’ve done everything in my power to include her in my life and build a solid relationship. But, when it comes to her life, it seems that I’m just put on the backburner. I want a relationship that works to combine our lifestyles and friends. Such as being a part of her life outside of US. Because, good god I did that and it seems to be a one way road.