I just wrote and deleted a whole intro about my experience, just suffice it to say I almost stuck with a girl like your wife, but didn't, so I know the type.

I think your only play is to try to get her to wake up. You really have to keep the kids in mind as a priority and if you can fix this, improve your marriage, you have to really try that first.

In getting your wife to wake up, there's really no substitute for being blunt. Tell her that her priorities and conversation are starting to make her look shallow. It'll likely send her into a defensive spiral, but you have to plant the seed.

After that, ask her to participate in some meaningful way in the family business. Say you need her to give feedback on X ideas (marketing, budgeting, whatever) for 2 hours every Sunday. Get her involved in your world and you might start building a reservoir for later adult conversation. She might even get a glimpse of how hard you work to give her the lifestyle she enjoys.

With a woman like this, be careful with even mentioning couples counseling. She'll start thinking it could be a precursor to divorce and might even preempt you (prenup in place??) to protect her lifestyle.