Hey, I've been dealing with addiction ever since middle school and honestly this post, despite being 3 months old, really fucking helped me.

half of me wants to remember what life was like before recreational substances, the other half of me can't imagine life without them.

I relate way too much to this.

But there's no reason to improve 100% right away; that's the impulsivity talking.

This too, The journal I've been keeping is so fucking dense, just trying to solve my stupid drug problem, I have such a strong desire to quit that I'd do anything to just stop taking a drug, even if it'll put me at risk of seizures or intense depression or whatever, even if tapering is completely possible and alot more succesful, I'll always want off of it right now.

It's like an addiction to quitting drugs, it's such a mindfuck and impossible to solve in your head, but seeing someone else write that thought just made me realize it's not just the "addict" inside me. Thanks for writing this, even though, again, this is 3 months late.