Dear lord do not listen to this person. These are NOT signs of mental illness. If anything, these are signs that it is possible you have mental illness - perfectionism can border on emotional abuse if you don't practice self awareness on a regular basis. Let's talk a little less about your kids responsibility and more about YOUR responsibility as a parent.

Bits of food on the side of the garbage can? Forgetfulness? Get real. These are not real problems. As a parent of a 17 year old and a 11 year old myself I can relate to the frustration when they generally suck at being near and tidy humans, but you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't live in your house, but my impression from your post is that you need to focus on being more aware and supportive of what she might be going through in her own life and her feelings. I realize this is hard with 4 kids ranging 15 years, but that's the life you made for yourself. Your responsibility to your kids to be emotionally available for them and mentor them, not just provide dinner and a roof over their heads.