is it possible to overcome depression? yes. i overcame depression. now, to this you might wish to say, "well, hey, that's nice for you, but look at me, i'm wretched", but here, honestly i am getting at something else entirely with that statement. and i realize you may well feel quite wretched, at times. that's definitely a part of it, as if to say "i'm in a dark place right now". however, in large part, it was not that god eventually responded to my desperate prayers (many remain unanswered to this day), and then there was somehow light. at the same time, i happened upon a theory that it is also likely true that the most pathetic of prayers get answered first. so, already things are looking up, getting better, even as my prayers go unanswered -- what became, for me, a strong indicator that it could be worse. it isn't worse, though.

ultimately, it was more so that i began to understand how to conceptualize what it is to "overcome" something, some set of circumstances, or else a series of seemingly "intractable" issues, i.e. the things i face which i cannot seem to change, about myself, in the world, surrounded by others, certain despite great efforts. in other words, another 'theory' emerged: that it is true that christ was at his happiest while nailed to the cross, when otherwise one would think him severely depressed at first glance.

perhaps i am still in this dark place. and yet, if one looked solely at his current circumstances, certainly it appears like "overcoming" even death is out of the question, though christians nevertheless believe christ "overcame" death. what does this mean? well, i'm still alive, and it seems i've done everything already except die, er, i mean, 'willingly enter my passion'. but i'm not willing to die, though, so what emerges to the fore of my mind is simply that life asserts itself. what is asserted? life is, and the will to live goes on. and so what is it then, to "overcome" depression, when circumstances indicate many do not even know how to speak of this as even a remote possibility?

it increasingly begins to seem to me that the issue is more how to talk about this overcoming, as overcoming. the way we currently talk about depression appears to suggest that one cannot overcome it, but it is very silly, too, insofar as one can simply choose to tell a same-different story: christ was happiest on the cross. and, you know, i'm so exhausted, depression is tiring, etc. -- now i want to be happy, too.