I have been NC with my N family for years (although I am still plagued by nightmares).

I learned really quickly that my brother, someone that actively shielded me from much of the abuse we suffered as children became an enabler for my folks. Let me explain.

I have told him clearly and in no uncertain terms that I do not want my folks knowing anything about me. He said he understood. His problem is that he constantly jumps the fence. For a while he's pissy with our folks and then he's their BFF and spouts nonsense like "Every parent should know everything about their children!"

Yeaaaah, no.

When I finished college and moved to a different location, I confided in him to not share. Then a year passes and he says, "Oh, I told mom and dad you live in [city] and work at [place of business]. Dad might want to stop by sometime."

My father has threatened me once before while I was at college, raising a song and dance about not hearing from me for x amount of time and he was all really really worried and he just loves me so gosh darned much! I was 25 at the time, but my college treated me like I was 5 and tried to force me to connect with my father.

I told my brother he is not to tell them anything about me. "BUT THEY'RE YOUR PARENTS! STOP BEING A BABY!"

And that's when I realized something of maximum importance. The big brother who always protected me wasn't there anymore. He was replaced by someone who was trying to put me in danger. So I have maintained a very LC relationship with him, explaining why (he still doesn't get it).

I guess after this rant of mine, my point is sometimes you need to make important decisions to protect yourself and ensure your happiness. Don't be afraid to make and keep them. Once I made this decision, weeding toxic friends from my life has been easier: I finally feel like I am in control.