Seriously, I used to worry so much about dying or my family dying as a child.

I was one of those kids that would try and make my parents feel guilty whenever I threw a tantrum. Sometimes I'd smash up my toys and tell them 'look what you made me do' or I'd write a note saying 'I know you don't love me'. I swear, I was a happy child and had a great upbringing but I was just a massive drama queen and a horrible brat.

Anyway one day my mum's using her inhaler, and I asked if I could try it. She said no and I asked why. She explained that it was medicine and dangerous for me to touch it, because it could really hurt me or stop me from breathing properly. Now this is going to sound really fucked up, but the thought passed my mind the next time I had a tantrum, I could use the inhaler, get sick and then they'd be sorry. But as soon as that awful thought passed my mind, I began to worry... What if I really do use the inhaler? What if I died? I don't want to die.

So this bothered me for days, I think it was just a realisation of my own mortality and that I have some control over that, and at that young age I didn't know about suicide or anything, and those are big concepts for a child I guess. Still I remember how frightened I was, thinking I could cause my own death if I really wanted to. Luckily I've grown up to be relatively normal and happy and not tried to harm or kill myself.