I feel like a post from her would be:

An old friend Clara, who I am not super close with anymore, asked me to be in her wedding. I was reluctant because I have my own wedding to plan and we live pretty far away [DC to New Jersey, which is 4 hours and some, 206.6 miles.]

When planning my wedding, I wanted to ask Janet and Brigit to be at my wedding. The problem is that Clara and the girls had a falling out a while ago. Clara has had issues with this and put a lot of pressure on me. I didn't ask her to be in my wedding party because honestly, we aren't as close, we don't talk, and she didn't get the hint about not wanting to be in her wedding. She promised that it wouldn't be a lot, but I can really sense that she is upset I am not there for everything.

AITA for not having her be in my wedding?

I think you have been the rude one. She has her own wedding to plan and you are insisting she is in your wedding party, even when she was reluctant. She lives, at a small estimate, almost 5+ hours away from you.

Unless she was 100% like, "Omg OP, I want to be in this wedding and do everything and I will be here EVERY WEEKEND TO HELP" you need to take a chill pill. You said yourself, in other comments, that you don't talk as much, they live closer, blah blah blah.

She's not rude, you're just refusing to be polite and stop insisting people do things your way.