I have not read racially charged language into this. I specifically said: "To me, it's not necessarily a race issue (though there may be race issues here)," and I mentioned that I have this same issue with my mom (I mentioned in my comment that we're both white, and that my mom uses the same "rats nest" language). I don't think this is necessarily about race--though I could see how some people may worry that it's about race.

I DO read the exhausted sound of a mother who unconsciously is annoyed with her daughter's hair, and who probably resents the time it takes to deal with it, and who both wants her daughter to be a reflection of herself and also is worried that any messiness or "rats nest" will be a poor reflection on herself. These are all normal feelings between mothers and daughters (as I said, my mom did the same thing and we're of the same race--white). But OP can try to set aside that resentment to properly care for her daughter's hair.

If she did that, she wouldn't have to worry about the "rats nest" issue and she'd help her daughter with self-confidence.