YTA. but very soft. your love for your daughter is very clear in this post. and i just want to say that it’s wonderful to see a blended family show so much genuine warmth and commitment to one another. especially a stepmother and a stepdaughter - a relationship that is often shown in an antagonistic light.

i just want to say that i don’t think anyone here is really licensed to give you proper advice on what is going on and how to fix it. so please be careful reading into things. i think there’s a lot more going on with your kid. who sounds intelligent, but like she’s struggling. she needs to talk to a doctor with and a therapist, with you guys’ support.

but also, please talk to her and ask her how she is, without her feeling like she is being questioned. i know your intentions are good but there’s more to this than ‘you stink, why aren’t you showering? go have a shower!’ good luck.