I'm just 17 years old so can't talk much about having a child or a Wife but to me you would be the guy that I want to grow up as. Except all of the frustrating parts like not believing in yourself or the immense self blame you put on your self. Because I can relate to pretty much every feeling you describe. I have a dad that yells and tell me I'am lazy compared to my siblings, I have lost friends that left me because I wasn't "cool" or "good" enough and instead of blaming them for leaving me or saying bad things, I sucked it all up and built a picture of a worthless me that can't even keep friends interested or a dad proud. I became a robot to these emotions and even if I have top grades and good friends even a girlfriend at a short time. I still feel like the world would be better without me and that everybody in my life hates me if I do one wrong thing or don't do a thing they ask.

But not long ago I began to go at a therapist and told some of my closest friends and my mother of my problems and my diagnose of severe depression. I have started training, talking about it on regular basis and learned some tactics to fight bad thoughts that has been triggered by something somebody said or did to me. But the best thing I did was to convince myself that what is causing all bad things in my life is Depression, and it is a sickness. A man with a cold can't help to sneeze it is in fact good for him because he get the bad germs out of the system. The same goes for depression if you feel the "sneeze" coming don't hold it in talk about it let it out, be it with tears or shouting it is always good to let the bad feelings out of the system so you can as a sick man recover from it. I have rambled for too long. I was in fact going to talk about my problems in a post but know I feel that is no longer needed, Thanks for making this post.