I do think he needs to be protected from my bullshit, because i don't want to make him feel bad, i don't want him to feel the same way i do, because i'm living in hell right now. I don't want that for him.

We have weathered some storms, but i'm not going to keep adding to the pile. I'm not going to put him through that.

And you're right, if i leave now i'll never know, and you're right again, it will eat at me. But everything that's going on is already eating at me.

I already regret everything i've done so far. Don't get me wrong, i'm very glad i met him, but i shouldn't have let myself get so close.

He is worth it, he's worth everything. He's earned the chance, but i'm to scared to give it to him. I don't want to lose him like that. At least if i push him away we can end on a good note.

I know you're not trying to creep me out or make it weird, and you're not. You are helping, thank you for that. You're not an idiot.