I believe that love is insecurity. Can you prove otherwise?

Back story - I've always been into psychology and philosophy. Love was always the one subject that I had a very difficult time understanding as it would totally consume me and make all of my notions about myself turn upside down. I've been someone who falls in love fast and hard and loves "deeper" than most other people. I used to wear it like kind of a badge of honor in spite of how destructive it is.

Then I went through a period of introspective breakthrough and through various western psychiatric methods was able to heal myself of lingering negative thoughts about myself and repressed feelings I've had since my childhood trauma. It's been around a year long process and every day is unbelievably happy compared to the last 27 years. It's like night and day. I actually wasn't used to or comfortable with the feeling of happiness on a daily basis at first. And it's not that I was depressed before - but I had no idea how much negativity I was holding until I actually learned how to let it go. You can see how other people look but you can never, and will never, know what it's like to be inside someone else's mind. Therefore we often don't realize when we, ourselves, are not quite right because we have to handy methods for objective comparison to others.

Any ways, the last time I fell in love and we broke up and I was dealing with the heartbreak I realized that I didn't want the person back - I knew we were not cut out for each other. But I still had this gut wrenching longing. Why? Because I was afraid of being lonely - not because I wanted her back specifically.

"If the cause of suffering is primarily psychological, then it must follow that the cure, also, is psychological." Douglas Burns

We all struggle fervently to alter our external circumstances to be content instead of looking for contentment at the only thing that will ever be able to create contentment for us - our minds.

So in analyzing my own thoughts I realized I was simply afraid of being lonely so I made an effort to talk to people I saw in coffee shops, text old friends, hang out with current friends that I never seem to have the time for. And it worked great. The suffering ended.

But the real notable difference occurred when I started dating again. As I continued to gain confidence and solidify my mental wellbeing I found that as I entered into relationships with women I was no longer reaching that level of desire that I used to - I simply can't fall in love like I did before. Having healed myself of the deep insecurities I held I don't find myself looking for another person to complete me and putting that kind of pressure on them, because I'm actually 100% content with myself. It's really hard to describe to someone that hasn't undergone that sort of transformation. But I'm not deeply longing for someone else to complete me and I've been in a few situations already that have proven to me that my mind is simply not wired for that die-hard all out love any more. It just isn't going to happen. And that's wonderful. It's a beautiful thing. I never thought I'd be able to wrap my head around love, but now I can. And the reason I'm posting this is because most people irl really don't want to hear that love = insecurity. They don't like any ideas that shake their core beliefs about a touchy subject like that. So it's not something I often have the opportunity to share.

Now I'm in a relationship and I truly enjoy my partners company and would miss her if she was gone. But it is no where near the same deep, crazy love I've always felt in the past. And by all measures of the circumstances between us it absolutely should be. And although that sounds sad, it's actually amazing and healthy. Because insecurity isn't driving my emotional dependence on someone else any more. I'm truly content and "loving" like someone who is.