abuse/atleast “he doesn’t beat me” mentality

Please know that he IS abusive - he abused the people working at the bakery. I am absolutely certain he's been abusive to other works before as well because that behavior is never a one time thing. You are either the sort of person who thinks it's okay, and so therefore you'll do it when you please, or you're not in which case you don't do it period. He is the type of person who thinks it's okay.

I'm also absolutely certain he's been abusing you in non-physical/financial ways as well. That would be verbal and/or emotional. Does he devalue your contributions? Put you down? Make fun of you, your hobbies and interests, your skills, etc? Belittle you? Insult you? Scream at you or take his anger out on you? Condescend to you? Make subtle digs at you in front of the kids? Manipulate the kids by "joking" that you're bad cop and he's good cop? Guilt trip you into thinking you don't do enough or that things are your fault?

Answering these questions honestly may take some time and serious reflection on your part because you've acclimated to his mistreatment of you (normalized it, in other words). But like I said, this behavior does NOT happen in a vacuum, I am absolutely certain he's mistreating you in more ways than refusing to help with anything.