Thank you, it's difficult but those are some good questions.

I feel uncomfortable with almost all aspects of traditional maculinity, especially hetero-masculinity. I hate nearly all masculine traits on my body and I think having female sex would be immensely better than what I have and always will have.

The only aspects of womanhood that trouble me is the female socialization and exposure to misogyny that I never experienced growing up. At times I feel that it is unjust for me to enter the social role of a woman and I cringe at the idea of using things like women's restrooms. often feel that I'm a predator but I'm can totally believe that's just internalized transphobia.

Actually there is maybe masculine trait I don't care about and that is voice. I have a deep voice and I hate that I go through this ridiculous training so that society will perceive me as feminine. It's so difficult and sometimes I wish I didnt have to try so hard, gay men surely wouldn't care but straight men do.

I don't believe that HRT or transition is what made me more comfortable with being feminine, they just kind of followed each other because I was scared of being feminine due to hatred/homophobia before 21. I also was not able to live on my own until 21, before I lived with my parents and they hated me for doing anything feminine and forbid me from it.