I have this exact same problem. I’ll have periods where I seem to improve but I find myself drifting back into bad habits and occasionally my anxiety gets the better off me and I withdraw completely.

It’s definitely a hangover from childhood and the way my parents and sisters treated me as an inconvenience. It’s actually anger inducing to think about it now as you just wouldn’t treat a child that way.

I think once you realise it is all tooted in other shitty people’s behaviour towards you, rather than you being dysfunctional then it’s a little easier to deal with. After I realised why I am the way I am, I found I was less hard on myself and the self loathing disappeared mostly.