Can you give some examples of awkward communications?
Today I was at the college. I'm wanting to move in a new direction and I've chosen art. Since I don't have any background in art, I have to start with a portfolio-building course and work from there.
So I arrive 15 minutes late and I wait 5 minutes for the receptionist to notice me. I'm already spooked because there are tons of people all around and I can't stop noticing them. Since this is an art department, they're all very interesting. There's an absolutely beautiful girl with blue hair who walks past me and it's all I can do not to stare. Then there's a really cool looking guy with long hair eating some kind of pastry. He looks me dead in the eye and takes a big bite of his pastry as he walks past. There's nothing inherently threatening about that other than how hyperfocused on it I am. My eyes move around from person to person, and detail to detail and I'm trying to look nonchalant. I know that the more I try to seem relaxed, the more uptight and nervous I'll look, but knowing isn't enough. In fact it just seems to make it worse.
So I'm standing outside of reception with all these interesting people walking past me and someone comes out of reception, asks what I'm there for and tells me to take a seat. I take a seat.
After about twenty seconds or so a group of weird (read: awesome) people come over and sit in the same area. There's a guy with sandy hair next to me, a very pretty girl opposite me and the rest of their friends are adjacent to her. I can feel the sandy-haired guy regarding me peripherally, if that makes sense, but I only sense slight curiosity, and the girl opposite looks at me a few times, warmly curious. We lock eyes once or twice for a moment or two and I pick up on her relaxed state. It's nice. I can use that right now. I look at her, not studiously, just watchfully. I like people with good vibes. Eventually I'm relaxed enough to phase out and so my mind wanders.
After some moments the lady I'm supposed to meet appears in front of me. She has dark curly hair and a HR look about her. Somewhere at the back of my mind I'm slightly alarmed that she's different to how I imagined her on the phone, but I think nothing of it. She asks if I'm [name] and I say yes and she tells me to follow her. I apologise for being late and follow her along a corridor, down some steps, then I sort of phase out again, and we arrive at her office.
She opens the door and ushers me in, telling me to take a seat. This office is tiny, with clinical white walls and a blueish light. My least favourite kind of room.
Some jibber jabber occurs.
She asks me why I want to do this and I manage to tell her that I'm a creative person, but I don't have a medium, and I'd like to have a skillset in order to take what's inside of me and bring it out in some way. I tell her I used to write but I overthink too much so I find it difficult to write these days. A little rambly, but okay. She gives me nothing in terms of responses. She's not even looking at me. I start to get nervous.
She asks me if I've done any art and I say no; not really, but I sketch from time to time. She asks if I've brought anything with her. I have - a sketch I copied from a photograph I took of my ex's son when we were on a train. I tell her it's a little primitive. Why did I say that? Never mind. It's okay. I jam my lips together and wait for a response. Nothing.
She sits back and looks me in the eye and tells me all about the course. What it's for, what I'll be doing, where it can lead etc. succinctly and without hesitation. For some reason I'm not nervous at all maintaining eye contact. I notice she's guarding her emotions; I didn't know people did that. I only notice because it falters for a moment and for the first time she registers as human, if you catch my drift. I think that's why I was comfortable maintaining eye contact.
Anyway (cont.)