I know you are probably very disappointed in yourself... Quite mad, feeling alone and the physical pain makes the emotional pain that much more unbearable. The good news is, it's only up from here. This is the lowest you'll feel. Take it from me, I'm a veteran.
16 years ago, I had my first sexual experience. I was 18. About a week later urination became so painful I literally waited hours to pee. It hurt so bad I nearly pissed myself at one point. I told my mom I had to make a doctor appointment. The doctor told us the bad news. I felt like you do now... Scared, alone, intense physical pain and feeling like I was garbage. Especially after I told the guy I was with and he denied it. That was the last time we spoke. Classy!!
While it was incredibly difficult to bring up, I had 3 long term relationships after being diagnosed. None have contracted it as far as I know. I've been married to my husband for 11 years, together 12. He doesn't have it. My breakouts are few and far between now. 1 or 2 a year, but I am in tune to the early symptoms (a pins and needles feeling on my bum cheek or thigh, lethargic, feverish and achy) and dose up with some valacyclovir to prevent it from getting full blown, sometimes it prevents it altogether. Daily doses also slim your chances of passing it along.
Other than a few awkward conversations and the annoyance of a breakout every once and a while, my early thoughts of being an outcast and forever alone were unfounded. I'm in a happy, fun and exciting marriage with a loving, understanding and wonderful husband. Kids aren't in our plans so I don't know the implications there, but the research I've done in the past when I wasn't positive I wanted to be child free indicated little to no transmission risk with the oversight of a doctor.
Every case is different. I may have gotten off easy by getting a weak strain or perhaps mine went dormant. It's important to have a good relationship with your gynecologist so they can assist your personal needs. Good luck to you, just know it's not the end of the world.