Was going to kill myself last night. Went to work yesterday already upset, co worker triggered me which turned into tears. My regional manager/friend happened to be in that day while I was out back bawling my eyes out. Asked me what’s wrong as she was concerned about me. Blurted out everything and told her. Which lead to a call from our national manager a few hours later reaching out to me to see how I am (turns out regional told another regional and national manager about what I said as she was worried). This turned into me bawling my eyes out on the phone to her, telling her I was worried they were gonna think I can’t do my job, and that saying anything would affect my position. She instead offered all her support and had a huge talk with me saying they all have my back and that I should see someone professionally so I can feel better (even offered to research places for me).

So I’m now taking annual leave today until I feel better. Was supposed to see my doctor today as he knows of my depression so I could get a referral to get free psych sessions through my insurance, but he called in sick and I’m not comfortable talking to any of the other doctors. So just relaxing on reddit right now instead of leaving to work like I would be normally in half an hour.