All true. They lose me though with the terror of being thought a creep was if women put your name in a book and you forever wear a scarlet letter. Creepy is a whole visceral experience of your intuition letting you know you are unsafe. That is completely different than acting disinterested in someone. Men need to stop complaining that some random woman could think him creepy and therefore refuse to speak to women. It reeks of a middle school anxiety dream of being laughed at. I am not insensitive to the fact that it can be confusing to some to read a situation, but getting shot down because someone is married or dating someone or just not interested is not the same thing as women being raped repeatedly by powerful men who do have ability to destroy their livelihood and social structure.
It’s not even remotely comparable situations at all. Getting interest or rejection is an important social learning skill and so many here just say I opt out because I’m afraid of what a random women might think. It’s not creepy to talk to women and if they have any class they would never make you feel creepy just because they are not interested or available. We try to treat each other kindly and with appropriate respect. If you are just trying to meet people, no one will call the police.
Have we lost the ability to be compassionate towards each other and also not personalize other people’s boundaries? If they are not interested… move on. Why is this breaking men and they can’t read social cues? Harvey Weinstein could crush your career in 5 seconds. He was a scary predatory bully who maneuvered to get young powerless women to be alone with him and force himself on them. And everyone knew…. and enabled it. I knew about him for years, so do not tell me no one knew if I knew. They were all scared of him. Even when reported, it was ignored and deflected and deemed “personal” and the woman was black listed as problematic. That is soooo far from saying hello to a woman you pass in the gym or in a social environment. The way people suggest that he ruined dating for MEN by making them scared is just not true and insulting to even compare them as if they are equal. He was not alone. Literally, almost every woman has a story somewhat similar in the nature of a person assaulting them and they never really spoke about it. That was the power of the hashtag… to say “yep, me too” so that people… especially men… could see the sheer volume of women in his life who navigate around these predators.
Instead of creating allies as intended, men are choosing to just not talk to women at all? It’s just such a big leap to make the “me too” be about them! If you are not whipping your dick out or trying to force yourself on women… then you are not going to get arrested! Stop!! Even if you are doing that, it is likely nothing will happen to you either and that was the whole point of #metoo. Instead men are lamenting that this is so hard for THEM? It’s like so far from the point and so self-centered to make it #poorme … I really can’t keep reading this on this site. Thanks for missing a real opportunity to care about and get to know the reality women live in and instead lament how your life is hard now because you could be ruined. Don’t be a creepy predator and you won’t lose your job! But just taking it behind screens in order to whip your dick out as a hello was not the appropriate response to Harvey Weinstein or the metoo viral moment and definitely not the solution needed to understand the realities that face women.
Yes, this is long. Don’t argue. Read it or don’t. It doesn’t even seem to matter either way.