My boyfriend is Chinese so I get where you’re coming from. They also have this racist rule and although it doesn’t apply to me, my boyfriend is the oldest son and his parents are immigrants and thus there is an insane bond and strict family dynamics he feels he has to uphold. He always picks his family over me and he always will. I have accepted he will never celebrate my birthday and that he will cancel our plans for his parents the day of. Family and duty to one’s family is the life blood of Chinese and immigrant families especially ones who come from the sticks and hold onto more traditional views from necessity. His previous relationship failed because of this type of situation. But the solution for them to find the answer when they were in the limbo you are currently in was to sit down and have a serious conversation of where they saw themselves in the future as a couple. They couldn’t see themselves married or ever being comfortable introducing each other to the family and being ostracized and kicked out. If you and your partner are serious about dating and date with the intentions to one day marry or even be together for years I’d have this conversation as soon as possible and make a decision. Because at this point although you are his girlfriend you are hidden and kept like a dirty secret or side chick. Depending on how conservative his parents are a push for a arranged marriage between family friends is possible.

The point of this is to let you know you’re not alone and for you to think deeply on if this is the situation you want to be in. It will be extremely hard to deal with them and they will not compromise. A very likely situation is having to ask your boyfriend to pick between you and them and decide to have a more western relationship with his parents or accept being cut off. That will be a huge shift for him and if you don’t feel he can, especially since you haven’t been introduced I would consider breaking up with him after a serious talk about your future together. It also may be too soon in your relationship for him to jeopardize his whole way of life and support system. But then again it’s a extremely frustrating place to be in and for your own sense of self worth and peace of mind I would talk to him and try to plan out your visions of the future and go from there if he can ever see himself loving you more than familial duties.