Biweekly Dating Advice Thread

I was unsure of writing about this because I didn't want anyone to be hurt. There are so many stories of broken households, especially in our demographic.

I can't wait to get married. I was never one of those guys who saw marriage as a ball and chain and I never understood how my friends viewed girlfriends as an almost necessary evil. By necessary evil, I mean the bros vs. hoes mindset. Like you need a girlfriend as an outlet for your sexuality but it also means she'll constantly be battling against your friends for time and attention, so the trick is to keep in her line without offending her so much she leaves because your bros should always come first and you always have more fun spending time with your bros than your girl.

I've never had those hang-ups because my parents have an extremely healthy marriage. They've known each other since the 8th grade. When my dad was a kid, his future mother-in-law always let him sleep over the house because she knew his dad ran out on him a long time ago and his own mother was never around. He gets along great with my mom's side of the family.

My parents call each other everyday. They joke with each other. They give each other silly nicknames. When my mom refuses to give him an extra bowl of white rice for dinner cause he's getting fat, he'll grab her in a bear hug and grind his five o'clock shadow into her shoulder until she gives in. If she really doesn't want to give him any rice, she'll start twisting his nipples.

They tell each other poop stories. They swap gossip about their friends. They're sarcastic. My mom will slap my dad's potbelly over something he said and he'll retaliate by leaning over and ripping a fart on her.

I grew up thinking this was totally normal and that all parents are like this. My view of marriage is spending the rest of your life with your closest and greatest friend, so I was never able to relate to those rom-coms featuring the guy with wet feet and the girl who's obsessed with commitment. Isn't that already a huge warning sign that you shouldn't get married? How could you possibly spend the rest of your life with someone you aren't friends with? Why does that distinction between friend and girlfriend even exist?

It wasn't until my early 20s when I learned that my parents have a very unusual marriage, especially for Asian families. I mean my dad is the traditional, stoic Korean father in public, sure, but he's very different with my mother. I assumed that this is how all Asian parents were. I was shocked when I found out that for most of my peers, their parents were just as serious at home as they were in public. Even worse, I've heard nightmare stories about parents cheating on each other, wife beating, alcoholism, abandonment.

My parents aren't perfect. They made a lot of mistakes, especially with me, and I had a terrible relationship with them until I swallowed my pride and made the effort to reach out first. But I have yet to find a happier married couple, even if everything they did as parents taught me exactly how I shouldn't be raising my own kids.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that true love exists. I've seen my parents fight a lot when I was younger and they told me numerous times how perilously close they were to divorce. People have this idea in their mind that love is all about the butterflies and the sunshine. No, that's romance. Love is a commitment and a choice. Love is something you know, not feel. Knowing that has saved me from a lot of bad relationships.


I'm a hopeless romantic because I grew up watching my parents fart on each other.

/r/asianamerican Thread