If you cannot respect that boundary, then that may be a dealbreaker for him.

I've told him it will be hard and it's going to be difficult, and I don't really understand it. I've tried to make it clear that it is a massive issue which I might not be able to handle or could even slip up. Apparently this doesn't concern him even though he can see how impulsive, probing, and nosy I can be (though I try hard every day to get better).

I'm not understanding why he hasn't said we should break up due to my lack of ability to comprehend or entirely take this when he knows how I can be.

I don't know if he trusts me or simply doesn't want to be the one to do the breaking up. I'm getting quite irrational, I suppose.

He needs to get professional help to stop the cycle of abuse.

I'm so scatterbrained that I've forgotten whether I mentioned this. He hasn't got help for all these years as he says he wanted to deal with his severe spread psoriasis (which he knows is never going away). I finally managed to convince him to ask for therapy but that was a few weeks ago and earlier in my attempts he stated he would wait til my diagnosis for the autistic spectrum (something which could take months).

I'm almost 50/50 on whether I think he's actually going to get seen or how much he views it as an issue. He says he only has this problem in romantic relationships and he tends to say sorry in an actually acceptable manner if I speak up.

It's confusing.

You can be respectful of his boundary of not telling you and talk about your feelings why you need to know.

I should of said but this is exactly what I did. I don't know whether either of us found our acknowledgements valid enough to warrant a true trust factor in a relationship. He feels I don't understand fully why he would want to keep it secret and partly, maybe I don't because of my views of relationships. All that means is we can't be together like this.

However, he didn't show me any sign that he understood why it was important to me. He kept reiterating his own points. There might have been a slight acknowledgement, but the conversation wasn't balanced, in my view. I kept saying how much I didn't want to force, and respected that he didn't need to tell anybody, but it wouldn't work for me and he mostly kept saying he doesn't have to tell anybody.

He stated that the issues "aren't as extreme" as one of our open mutual friends and I don't know what to think. That means a certain situation didn't occur but does he think I'll look down on his or that I'll compare mine to his?

I don't understand his reasoning. I'm willing to hurt in many ways for him - I might even continue with the relationship while having to find ways to control or punish myself for infractions on his boundary but part of me feels that should be a slow but mutual process. If there isn't the same amount of hurt willing to be undergone for the other person then you need to shake hands and walk away, I think, or it is unfair on both parties.

I'm so confused and I'm trying to deal with about 5 other heavy personal matters right now. It's our anniversary tomorrow. At this rate, even if we stay together, it's effectively ruined for me and probably him. I know it's only a day but it matters to me, stupidly.