Childhood is life

So if I'm right in understanding you, when regression occurs due to a large traumatic event in later adult life, the person falls back on childhood foundations which, if shakey (because of lack of education and substandard upbringing), further prevent the possibility of recovery and increase the likelihood of developing mental illness? Just checking.

I myself suffered anxiety from a very young age. I suffered abandonment issues when I was ~6. I developed OCD at 12 and it's never completely gone away, though I did treat it with intense CBT for a while and the really bad compulsions I was able to overcome. I then developed the fear I was being stalked and this progressed into mild and sometimes severe paranoia, with dreams of my family being murdered and PTSD symptoms like reacting to a sound and being taken back to a traumatic event. My mother was taken to court over false fraud accusations and my family was forced to sell our house and rent when I was 15. Since then, we have moved house 7 times in 10 years. I've grown accustomed to a life with very little stability. In such circumstances, I don't see the point of an education. I'm not looking for sympathy, rather just sharing my experience. I'm not mentally ill by conventional standards, I've just had some bad experiences.

However, my language skills, from school reports in pre-school, do seem to be behind the curve since I was young even. I'm not sure why. I feel dominated by my mother to a large extent, like I'm not allowed to think for myself. When I was younger I was always told that the world is a harsh place. It was painted as an environment where only the tough and brave survive. This is incredibly threatening I feel to someone thinking of entering life beyond school and I could not see the relevance of an education with respect to such a world-view.

My mom is very controlling of her own view of me as well. If I veer off course or change my opinions or behaviour even slightly, she will get defensive, suspicious, and I will do the same because I fear her outbursts that she used to have on my dad. I will hide or 'tread on eggshells' or try my best to comply or be factual and frank, but in the best possible way. It's counter-intuitive, irrational and wrong, I know, but I fear listening to her outbursts and control freak episodes.

I fear her depressive episodes. I try to carry her emotions on my back for the sake of having everything run smoothly and for the sake of my dad and siblings. Diagnosing myself with a mental illness seems to have gone a long way towards this. I know it's wrong. I know. But what else can be done. My family needs stability above all.

/r/schizophrenia Thread