Since when is circlejerking a gay thing. I circlejerk with (Names changed to predict identities) Salami Bebenger, G-Bird, and Porkme Beagelhaupt before outrounds at every tournament. None of us are gay; we just like to release a little testosterone so we don't accidentally put our fists through walls in Cross Ex (like G-Bird in semis of crestian 2014).
To see how we got our got our beginnings, lets look back to that round. G-Bird's nuts were rather heavy and blue that day, for Tammy Notgonnabiteyou from Pond Lowland had decided that she was ending their relationship. He was on tilt and had been vigorously beating... his way though the tournament. He was now going to face his most oriental challenge yet (no, it was not a thai massuse or a ladyboy), Pine Field of Vision (Marvin Bijew and Show Szp同性恋qwertyerror404). Right after looking at his posting and noticing that he was hitting two of the shortest (in more ways than one) ethnicities, G-Bird decided to use the restroom with worlds most lovable grape Tristian Booze. Upon entering the bathroom he saw something that would haunt his dreams forever; Salami Bebenger was performing an Alaskan Firedragon on Menni Jeyer in a urinal. While he was repulsed, his blue balls forced G-Bird to stick around. After the dragon's fire had been extinguished, Salami took a massive shit in the aforementioned urianl, said "Dumping one out for the homies gone", and then proceeded to casually walk out the door (didnt wash his hands) and slap five with Ferret Poon.
After the mental scarring was finished (G-Bird would never forget the sight of Salami's herpes (he got them from Lamie Yarn)), G-Bird went to round. When asked why he was 30 min late, he simply replied "SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'LL CUT YOU, YA I HAVENT BUSTED A NUT IN 4 WEEKS. SO WHAT, IT MAKES ME STRONGER. UGHHHHAHH, G-BIRD SMASH". Then round commenced.
Constructives: Showmeyourtaint whispered the case that Dark Ballseights wrote for them. Larah Branch makes a rather unorthodox decision and reads a rebuttal against their case. When asked why she explains that G-Bird's balls would weigh him down in Rebuttal, coach would never allow a woman to 2nd speak, and it would mess with Marvin's OCD.
1st Cross: Show concedes that all of his cards are really easily indicted, pulls up the indicts file, and gives them to Mrs. Branch-Meyer (aka the Bookie's Boy).
Rebuttals: Marvin listens intently to the Blue-Tooth Dark Ballseights is reading the prepped out rebuttal too (too bad all the cards are miscut. Ever had one of those prep seshes where you dont really want to cut a block, so you just delete the word not? G-Bird follows it up by screaming the constructive really loud, and refusing to cite any of the cards because he believes that rebuttals should be rhetoric based.
2nd Cross: There was a slight delay to deal with some kid (Nospliff Aroach-ya) jerking off in the back corner to a carrot Seth Blowin while Cobra Blowpez filmed it. Now that everything is back on track, Marvin Bijew points out how never once has G-Bird mentioned Native Americans. G-Bird got confused and started explaining how the socail contract is not just a black people thing.
Summaries: Marvin used all 2 min of prep wrinting Show's summary, Show still didnt know what to say, Marvin got special permission to flex prep the summary and spent 30 sceconds of speech time telling him what to say. Show eventually gave up and just resolved to put Dark Ballseights on speaker phone (Danny Siegel is a virgin) and move his mouth like he was a good pupett. Professora Branch decided to read a K, gave up after the introduction, and then spent the last 1:45 in silence as a form of protestGenius.
Grand Cross: The dudes listen to some creed instead of arguing.
Final Focus: Engrossed by the creed, they decide to end the round and go to decisions.
The decision, 3-0 for Pine Field of Vision. This is where G-Bird punched the hole into the wall and simoutanously climaxed. Oh wait, Shatt Pedler's "decision I dont like senses" began to tingle. He raced back from tab stopping his protest of outrounds trying to get his bubble round reversed and elims redebated, to save G-Bird and bring him safely to the nest. "Wait" Shatt cried while looking like a butler "you are all fucking retards (Ya /u/mattredler I said retard), you must vote for community college high school. Larah's husband will advise you to make bad sports bets". Decision reversed 3-0 for G-Bird. Creed sill shrieks in the distance, while Craig Imposter holds his top speaker award from Nova Titan.