I've never really felt female but i've been intrigued with women.. as an aspiration, going to great lengths to perform "femininity".

Hmm...

Maybe i'm more like an alien looking upon humankind and trying to fit in with what it should be.

Not understanding social rules, not understanding gender norms, "performing" as a normal person, feeling alien, acting as an amateur cultural anthropologist to understand what is normal... These are all 100% typical for people on the autism spectrum.

Women are particularly likely to hide it well, and to keep up the performance, and never be diagnosed. I'd really encourage you to take some tests to determine whether you have a mild and high-functioning form of autism.

The test only takes a few minutes, but it may tell you something very important about yourself: https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/