The examples on the FOG website don’t really resonate with me, not that it’s not true because I’ll still consider what you are saying. My parents tell me they love me, they are proud of me and my accomplishments, all the good stuff you should tell your kid. They’ve sat in on a group therapy session. They apologize for things they’ve done wrong. They make sure I’m invited and welcome in their home. I don’t want to paint the relationship as black and white.

It’s just that they can’t update the relationship with their brain damage, like they buy me Christmas presents even when I say “please don’t, it bothers me” because they “don’t want to show favoritism” or “make me feel left out” and my sibling asked for presents so “obviously” they had to spend equally on both of us. I tried to explain that that’s favoritism towards my sibling’s preferences/feelings and steamrolling mine, but they honestly did not understand and spent even more money to “make sure I felt included”. That doesn’t really match up with me being the scapegoat because they’re trying to keep things equal the way they understand it. But I’ve also considered that they are trying so desperately hard because they know they favor my sibling and, to their credit, are overcompensating.

I’ve been in a lot of therapy, and most of it has been focused on not letting my anxiety run down the path of attributing ill intent or feelings to people, keeping my thoughts objective and being mindful. But also, to your point, of valuing myself and setting clear boundaries. It’s why this is so very difficult for me, but that doesn’t preclude FOG from being a factor because my brain does feel cloudy and unsure and anxious whenever I think about it.