When I met SO's family I became connected with them. Nowhere in my post have I tried to excuse or undermine what he went through or the terms he set with his abusers, that's fine and I understand. I did not experience it from his eyes so I don't 100% know what he went through in that sense, however I do know every detail. Unfortunately I was involved in many of the incidents and was abused alongside SO. We video called at all hours of the day when we were long distance, so I still watched and heard everything happen. I was often on standby for when police needed to be involved.
He clearly doesn't want to cut off contact with the entire family, my point was the lack of initiative or care for them. During the initial moving period I didn't see it as an issue since he needed time to process the new dynamic, but I did see it as an issue when the "good apples" really showed how much they care for him throughout this and he responded pretty emotionlessly. This among many other things that lead me to believe he is really suffering from the trauma and needs to sort it out through therapy. There are many other aspects of his life that are failing that I didn't want to mention.
There have been many serious scenarios happen since SO left, none of which his brother mentions, his brother is the type who'd rather die than ask for help. I've only heard about these situations through Uncle/aunt or his sister.
SO and I already have a very close-knit family here and friend group, in no way am I denying that or trying to invalidate it. I love what we have here. But the reality is we should not punish really kind individuals for the lacking of someone else, they really love SO and have proved it more than enough (Uncle/Aunt for example were the only ones to ever call CPS in the entire family when they were little. Unfortunately they did not get custody but they wanted to adopt SO and siblings, and SO adored them and would've loved to live there.)
The complete switch of attitude and lacking of general motivation is just a huge concert of mine and this post is only scraping the surface, he's very disassociated and doesn't enjoy what's real in the same way he did when he was there. He swore to live better once he left but he is suffering, and I don't entirely blame him for his reactions towards his family but I am hurt at his lack of empathy. Especially towards his little brother who is fighting cancer.
Another example I didn't want to touch on, his late grandfather had cancer for months. SO knew this and I warned him many times about his condition and that it was urgent, that he needed to talk to him if he wanted to reach out before he passed. SO never said a word to him before he passed, saying he needed time. He regretted it extremely afterwards and mourned him greatly, but the fact that he still doesn't show the same concern for his much younger brother fighting cancer extremely worries me, and hurts. I don't really know what to do in the situation, but I am involved and have been for five years, I grew to love his family just as he did mine, and I miss them. A lot. They did nothing wrong and I'm not going to blame them when they are also victims, when they are just like us too. They deserve to be loved, not to be disregarded over someone else's mistakes that they have already more than paid for.