...And I found someone excited by the idea.

No, you found the guy that knows all women are secret psychopaths.

I'm non-sexual.

As-in, I prefer to be left alone. Women in my life have always been crazy. Literally hair pulling screaming like maniacs at the moon bat-shit crazy.

Goes all the way back to the first one I ever knew. My female parent. Felt like she had to punch me in the chest with that huge gaudy diamond ring to,make me behave. She'd box my ears until they bled. Both. At the same time. While knowing after years and years of doctor's visits that I've had chronic ear infections since I was a baby.

Second woman, babysitter. Same story. She literally shook the shit outta me, then whipped me with a belt for shitting. Started because her daughter would throw all the toys out and blame it on me. I played with GI Joe and Tonka. Not Barbie and Strawberry shortcake. I mean, how the fuck can that idea even conjure?

Every girlfriend I've had has been psycho. One degree or another.

Sister is a manipulative con-artist who thinks she is superior to anyone else and feels like she deserves everything and I deserve nothing.

I am neither gay nor straight, but if I were to look at porn, it would be women wearing short skirts.

Step off son. You're in way over your head.

(Somehow I think you're actually gonna try though)