Hi, sorry, I think this was directed at me, right? I will assume it was and answer it as if it was (Sorry, I got a bit confused )

Well, you've called my bluff, haven't you? ;)

The truth is that I don't have any good answers for you. I grew up very isolated and lonely too. But somehow it was so much easier back then...I don't think I was very conscious of my loneliness. I'm afraid I've only in the past few years become conscious of how deeply lonely I am. The problem is that dealing with other human beings has consistently (almost always) wound up being more painful for me than the loneliness. So the loneliness is still preferable to me.

Maybe I am aided by my temperament somewhat since I have always been strongly introverted. But, like I alluded to above, it's almost like I've leaned on my introvert superpowers too long and now they are rather run down. So I am feeling my loneliness fully for the first time ever...But, as I say, I have rarely or never found friends who made cultivating the relationships worthwhile for me. I don't know. Maybe I just have unusual needs that are hard to fulfill. I have had many "friends" in my life, but to me they were acquaintances no matter what they thought they were to me...and I wanted to keep them at arms length, too. And when they fell by the wayside I was mostly relieved about it. As for relationships...that's just a big non-event in my life. To be super honest with you, I know that I have undiagnosed Avoidant Personality Disorder, so quite probably balancing my needs is going to look very different to what balancing the needs of someone who does not have this disorder is going to look like.

On top of that, I am really pretty new to the game of untangling all of my issues and sorting out what is a healthy way to deal with them vs. an unhealthy. That being said, I am certain that for me living alone is going to give me that safe-space and cushion of rest and peace that will enable me to keep dealing with the world and other people on all the other fronts of my life. And maybe if I had it I would feel more interested in extending myself (tentatively) towards a select few others. To be even more honest, even posting this much on an internet forum is sort of stretching my social powers to their limit. Sad, I know.

I doubt that helps you, but it's all I can say. Sorry, I'm not one for any stunning insights at this point in my development. :/