Day 26 of NC and almost a month since I've seen her. As the month anniversary gets closer it's getting more painful again. It sounds sick but I wish she'd try to hoover me. But I could tell from her previous stories that when she was done with a particular man she was well and truly done with them. Everyone I've talked to about the situation (even people who don't know much about BPD) have agreed that even with what's going on there's no reason to reach out more than I already have. I'm starting to try to date again (insofar as possible with social distancing), trying not to hear her abusive comments in my head when I reach out to women. It's difficult.