I'm in a similar boat. I was bullied pretty severely because I was the shortest kid in my school with an awful case of acne to boot. (I still think, Jesus, how fucked can one person get?! I'm pretty sure I hit the genetic jackpot of all things repulsive.) From all of my terrible experiences, being short with acne to me is synonymous with being downright ugly. If people weren't busy making fun of me, they were ignoring me, which back then was infinitely preferable, but also served to ruin me emotionally. During middle school and high school, I never got a chance to develop the social skills that most normal kids in their teens have the opportunity to develop and hone to become successfully integrated adults. Sometimes I feel like a retarded overgrown child.

Although I think I look a lot better now (I'm 25), the damage is already done. I'm stuck with major depression (double depression), major anxiety, severe body dysmorphic disorder, and major major major social phobia. Not only this, I've started stuttering slightly, probably from all of the traumatic emotional damage and illegal drugs I've used to escape the emotional suffering. (I'm now an opiate junkie.) I only have a two friends, who I think only tolerate me because they feel lonely. They're both socially retarded too; I certainly wouldn't hang out with them if normal people would accept me since they come off as really cold/strange. Anyway, I'm hopeless when it comes to making new friends. I just have no idea how to do it. Plus, at 25 and looking like your average 15 year-old, I think most people my age would never think of hanging out with me, a crippled-looking man/boy who looks far too young for his age.

I'd give anything to hit the reset button on life (which I'd like to think is suicide) and relive it as a beautiful person. Nowadays, it's simply not worth being ugly and making attempts at a normal life because it just doesn't feel like an ugly people could really live it. Beautiful people don't know how well they have it. They can't fathom the side stares, snickers, and general neglect ugly people face. Oh sure, they have problems too, but give me a break, their problems are absolutely nothing compared to the horrors ugly people go through.