Depression, like any mental health issue, is really tough for people who have never experienced it to understand. I grew up watching my older sister struggle with a herd of mental health problems, including depression, but never really understood what the problem was or why she couldn't just stop being unhappy. I mean, I had been sad and angry before, too, but there was always an obvious cause for my emotions (i.e., fight with a friend, elementary/middle school drama, etc.). It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that it finally began to creep up on me; I didn't quite identify with the term "depressed", but I just felt...off? It was like there was something wrong and I didn't feel quite right, but just couldn't put my finger on what exactly the problem was. Then I went off to college and everything fell apart. I transformed from a generally happy-go-lucky socialite to a sad, angry recluse. I don't know if you've ever read Prozac Nation (by Elizabeth Wurtzel) but there's a line in it that seriously stuck with me:
“Hemingway has his classic moment in 'The Sun Also Rises' when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt. All he can say is, 'Gradually, then suddenly.' That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.”
Unfortunately, I allowed my depression to take hold of my life for a little while. I became my own worst enemy as I blamed everyone around me for my failed friendships, poor grades, and general anger. It just didn't make sense to me, I couldn't accept that there was something wrong with me. There's a saying (again with the quotes-- I'm sorry! lol) "If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your shoes". It took some time, but I finally realized that yes, there was something wrong with me, but that was my problem, and I was the only one who could fix it. Now, that's not to say that there's really a "solution", per se, for depression; there's no clear cut path, or one size fits all treatment. Medication "A" may work for me, but maybe no for you; therapy "B" may work for you, but not for me (hell, medication or therapy at all may not even work for some people. Luckily, there are so many different treatment options). To add to the complexity of treatment, there's no quick fix option: it takes time. I've been working on myself, and I mean really working, for a little over a year now, and while I've definitely gotten a lot better, I don't know when or if I'll ever get back to my happy-go-lucky younger self. My best advice is to remember that patience is key, and to always recognize the small victories. If you have any questions or ever need to talk, definitely feel free to PM me :)