I went to a small, private elementary school run by a family. A feuding family. The older couple, we'll call them Ron and Barbara were the principals, and their son Ron Jr. was the groundskeeper, and then Barbara's son Geoff from her previous marriage taught chess (chess? CHESS?), and Geoff's wife, Hannah, taught the middle school (yes we had 1 classroom of middle schoolers.)

Anyway, it was a mess. Geoff and Ron Jr. hated each other because Ron Jr was Ron's favorite, and Geoff was Barbara's favorite, and both sons had differing ideas about how the school should be run. Once they got into a fistfight in the preschool hallway. The cops were called, it was a whole big thing. Geoff was pretty decent (he didn't do much of anything but teach chess), but Ron Jr. was a wreck. He was a registered child sex offender, having been in jail for molesting young kids. And remember, this guy worked AT A SCHOOL. Around kids between the ages of 5 and 14. Also he was an idiot, spent most of the school's budget on expensive lawn mowers and stuff that he never used to maintain the field that was the playground. Oh, also, the sewage system was above the water system, which meant that the water fountains often smelled like poop, because the sewage would seep into the drinking water, and the kids were always out of school with diarrhea and E. coli, and the playground/field always smelled like sewage cause it would bubble up to the field.

Geoff's wife, Hannah, never showed up for school. Except she was a teacher. So the middle school never learned anything.

And to make matters worse, Ron got cancer and was no longer able to run the school. And even though Barbara was a sweet lady, she didn't know how to run a school, and so when Ron was in the hospital dying, Geoff and Ron Jr were put in charge, which was a baaaaaaaad idea.

The PTA got together and spent the whole time complaining and taking sides in the feud, and eventually they realized the school was going to shit and half of them made a pact to jump ship once Ron died.

When Ron died, more than half of the school (parents, kids, and teachers) left, and started a new school. A better school. With blackjacks and hookers. And it became one of the best elementary schools in the area.

My family ended up leaving before Ron died and started homeschooling me, because even though my mom started teaching there and they let us go there for free, it was just too much of a mess to handle.

So. That was my school.